Dating While Fat

I’m Seriously Starting to Hate the TERM 

“ BBW” 

  flower

The acronym for Big Beautiful Woman is usually used on online dating sites, and it’s particularly ubiquitous on Craigslist….  go freaking figure! Just for fun and of course for research for this blog post I looked a couple up. Here are the ones I found today….

SWM seeking BBW to spend a good night with….
Looking for bbw who wants to pLaY all day…
Seeking Tall, Curvy BBW for…

I wonder if they think we’re all desperate. But then, it’s like their so-called attraction, is treated as some kind of sick fetish….. It’s sleazy, in the dark anonymous love. And I refuse to be silent any longer! Dating while fat has honestly become extremely hard and I can chalk it up to the stereotypes and misconceptions that plague the pl us size community. You know the ones I’m talking about. Big women are freaks. Fat girls like to cook. Plus size women will give you all of their money, take care of you hand and foot because you are a gift from god and no one else would want us. Don’t act as If I’m speaking Spanish ladies you know what I’m talking about. As a single plus size woman who is very secure with herself dating for me has become somewhat comical. Too many men have assumed that I am a meal ticket just because it looks like I eat more than enough meals lol ( Little joke) oh how sorry do they become when I accept nothing but the best and move on so fast their heads spin. Don’t get me wrong there are good guys out there of course but there are also horrible ones who for whatever reason have adopted this way of thinking

At the end of the day it just makes me think… what are other fat women doing? Are they accepting this bull crap? Someone has to be because my behavior, my unwillingness to act like a “fat girl” takes to many of them by surprise to freaking MANY!  What the hell is happening here! Am I crazy? Lets chat!

Disclaimer: Corner Chats is a platform on cornerich.com where we as the plus size community can come together and talk about anything that is affecting us in today’s society. I would love for all of you to chime in and talk honestly with the understanding that this is a free safe place to be fat and effective. We must respect each other’s opinions but we don’t have to agree.

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25 Comments

  1. Ms.city
    August 2, 2013 / 10:01 pm

    Sad but true I’ve never had that problem. But I have had when I was dating men ppl would be like how did you get him he’s so fine as If I was to fat or ugly to have a nice looking man. Or that I was paying his bills an taking care of him haha me benign the cheap chic that I am that would never happen.

    • Ootc
      August 2, 2013 / 11:06 pm

      Consider yourself lucky girl TO never experience the madness. Dealing with an attractive partner while plus size is a another blog post lmao. I could go on about that for days.

  2. Danielle Moten
    August 2, 2013 / 10:08 pm

    I absolutely agree. I just stopped talking to a guy, that made me feel that way. He would always make reference about how he liked the way, I dressed and then in the same breathe say, because most big girls don’t have as much confidence as you do. Girl, he was just the worst, he had the nerve to ask me can I cook, when I said I cant cook, he was like, you look like you can…*pause*..lol Needless to say, I cancelled him real quick! I could go on and on about my dates. But, I’ll stop here…lol Its indeed comical in the plus size dating field! I love your blog, very informative and interesting!

  3. Bianca giveit2b
    August 2, 2013 / 10:09 pm

    I completely understand when I was dating I had a guy tell me I act and dress like a skinny girl. Yeah I put up with him after that but nothing serious. I am in a relationship now and have loss about 45lbs and he’s all in my Facebook inbox. No deals!

    • Ootc
      August 2, 2013 / 11:13 pm

      Back then you didn’t want me now I’m hot… lmao the story of my life

  4. Helen Redding
    August 2, 2013 / 10:16 pm

    U totally hit the hammer on the nail with this one.the level of respect a man gives or even brings to a plus size women is becoming unreal.everything u listed I have been thru.and just as u I Did not accept it and move d on.I’m to the point that I have stopped dating.I’m gonna wait for the man that GOD gives me.

  5. Rae
    August 2, 2013 / 10:20 pm

    I agree 100%. We have become the butt of jokes and stereotypes. I appreciate the men who love us and want us but I hate they we are treated like we are limited in selections… Dating for heavier women should not be finding a needle in the hay stack.. I was involved with a guy who wanted me and did relationship like stuff with me but wouldn’t commit because I’m a plus size woman and its not his normal… His loss! Lol

  6. Taiyana Allen
    August 2, 2013 / 10:25 pm

    This is all too true I’ve witnessed a number of my plussize friends & associates who are a little less secure in themselves settle for men who treat them like they’re doing them a favor by associating w/ them sexing them & letting them treat them & unfortunately there’s nothing you can say or do to convince a woman who craves any kind of intimacy & love whether it real or not that she’s being mistreated. I myself have stumbled into some of these so called men in & quickly gave them their walking papers as soon as I got a hint of this that type of attitude. We as plussize women just have to fully learn to love ourselves so we don’t feel dependent on anyone else to.

  7. Tremecca Walker
    August 2, 2013 / 10:35 pm

    Thanks you Jesus,,, that someone has finally address this situation… I can say I have been through everything you’ve mention. Most men assume because of your size, that you are automatically going to deal with their bull crap or settle for less. Especially when they try to holler at you and you turn them down, & the first thing out their mouths are “You Fat Anyways.” Comical in need!!! But it makes you wonder, where are they getting these ideas from… But the one i see most people deal with is no matter how educated you are or classy & presentable, they still pass over you for looks, and after shes not what she seems, then expect you to still be there waiting, as if we have to take the sloppy seconds… That just BMTFU!!!!

  8. Tamirastar
    August 2, 2013 / 10:39 pm

    I strongly agree with you I’ve been single for two years now and the dating gets harder and harder its like the moment you let your guard down and you believe tht this guy is not an complete A hole he shows his true colors and wants a mother someone to help him with his bills or he wants to move in and not help you with your bills, buy him clothes, cook every night the works and all he is offering is sex as if your lucky that he’s willing to lay with you enough is enough I feel as though this level of disrespect is very uncalled for because some men pray on plus size women as if we all have low self-esteem and thy get mad when thy find out that of us are most very confident in ourselves so then they try to break us and tht kind of behavior makes me feel that I’m going to be single for a very long time because I will not be take care of a man just to say I HAVE A MAN well boy cause thts what he would be if he wants me to take care of him

    • Ootc
      August 2, 2013 / 11:10 pm

      I swear you are quickly becoming my best friend in my head. I couldn’t agree with you more. Its ridiculous what some of the “bbw” lovers have to offer. Penis and a headache lmao. Its a stereotype that only we will be able to change. Once we refuse to accept …

      • Tamirastar
        August 3, 2013 / 9:04 am

        Yes change is coming because I refuse to stand for the BS I’m big proud and beautiful sooooo If my weight/size dictates how I should be treated then that small minded individual does not and will not have me I wish that more women would stand instead of accepting

  9. Sandy Yagci
    August 2, 2013 / 11:19 pm

    Tell you about a real joker
    This MF had the nerve to ask me for money to pay his phone bill which is a whopping $500.00. I told him to pull out his credit card…he told me no what I got you for?
    I was totally perplexed as I am not working and barely have enough unemployment to pay my own phone bill.
    I know his true colors now because everytime I would see him is what you gonna buy me? I need a hat, shirt, suit. He called me all kind of cheap because I would not buy him jack sh$t! Now I don’t call him at all.
    Ladies, stop buying these men! If they are not buying you anything, why are you buying them whatever their heart desires?
    KNOW YOUR WORTH!

  10. Angelica
    August 2, 2013 / 11:55 pm

    This is so true I have been single for 3 years now & I’ve dated but they all haven’t lived up to my standards. One guy who I was “talking” to told me the only way we were going on a date is if I PAID for it! Needless to say we never spoke again & you guessed it we never went on a date!!!! I can go on & on about the BS I’ve dealt w/ when it comes to dating. I am still single it’s cool I’m NOT SETTLING just bc I’m Plus size thatis out of the question!!!

  11. Kevina
    August 3, 2013 / 1:49 am

    I haven’t necessarily been treated any different bcus of my size I don’t think. I think it’s just men in general. It seems as tho women are excepting so much bs and so less from men that men think its all the same with all women. However when they meet a woman with standards and self respect they are shocked. Women aren’t being women anymore no self respect, no standards and no goals. Women with self respect, morals and goals are a rare breed. Where these men are finding these women? idk but we see the women too but we women with self respect hang together so we don’t think the women that we encounter on a daily basis that are desperate and seeking whoever and whatever are being seen but they are. And men are responding to the next as they would with them so they don’t get it until we drop them like “oh she wasn’t “that type” I should’ve came better” but um too late!

  12. August 3, 2013 / 2:06 am

    You are right. When I was single and dating I wasn’t that fat desperate for a man chick that did anything to keep “a man” regardless if he was the one for me or not. I wasn’t that cook for you because ur hungry type of chick either I was the let’s get OUT to dinner ON YOU type of fat chick that demanded to be treated like a prize NOT an option. I lived alone and was content doing most thing solo so I could care less if I had a man or not to go to the movies with, out to eat, etc. My Husband said before me he was super cheap and never spent money on chicks but because of the lifestyle I was already living he knew he had to step it up a notch to keep me interested and I never made myself too available when I was single. As with all women fat or skinny we have to BE the standard that we are seeking because men prey on vulnerabilities and insecurities.

  13. Car
    August 3, 2013 / 3:48 am

    Luckily, I’ve never experienced that. However, I love BBM!!! Hehe…if you’re smaller than me I’m not interested!!! Hey big men need love too!!! But yes, I do know some plus size women who settle for whatever because their self-esteem tells them that’s the best they can do & I hate it!!!

  14. nicole
    August 3, 2013 / 5:19 am

    I saw this topic mentioned very briefly in one of the earlier comments but I personally would like to see a blog post about bigger women dating attractive men. I don’t know if its a big girl issue or if its an all girl issue ( im pretty sure its an all girl issue but I feel like its a big girl issue) but for me, the men that pursue me are all men that I am never attracted to ( By no means am I implying that im being pursued by men ALL the time. I am BARELY being pursued, its just when I am, Im not attracted at all.). I am in college and its so hard sometimes seeing attractive men all day and having that feeling that they would never be interested in me JUST because I was bigger. I also see a lot of attractive men on campus and their girlfriends a lot of times are nothing to throw a party over, their just smaller. I wanted to refuse to believe that the issue was SIMPLY weight but im kind of starting to have that mindset. I have seen some bigger women with very attractive men and I just want to know what the secret is. I understand that beauty and attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder and it would be nice if just ONE guy that I was actually attracted to approached me sometime. Is it something that im doing? Is it something that im not doing? I would love to hear from some women that have been pursued by men that they were attracted to.

    p.s. im sure that I have completely changed the subject but this is just my input I guess. lol

    • Tamirastar
      August 3, 2013 / 11:43 pm

      I agree and understand where your coming from I’m so confused some days when so of these men approach me I double take and say are you serious not like I’m being unappreciative but no I can’t just accept anyone

  15. Alexis
    August 12, 2013 / 7:50 pm

    I definitely agree with you it is really hard for plus size women to date in this time. Especially me because I do not settle for just anyone, I was raised to be picky and not settle for the first person that shows you love. I had never really heard or new about the term BBW until this year, when my friends and I created online dating profiles. I think that it is so weird people treat it as a fetish or abuse people of that size because they may seem vulnerable.

  16. Samantha
    August 14, 2013 / 5:02 pm

    I totally agree its crazy how men seem to think that they are gods gift to us plus size women. (Oh please get over your self) But what pisses me off the most is men who secretly like us plus size women screaming that I don’t like BBW crap but all up in our inboxes. (What the heck is the big secret?) Us plus size women have everything to offer and more and there men aren’t offering anything they can def kick rocks.

  17. Janeica
    August 14, 2013 / 11:41 pm

    When I met my now husband I was kind of caught off guard and really felt the way he loved me was TOO good to be true mainly because I’ve NEVER dated a guy who honestly loved EVERY piece of me. I honestly thought I was only good enough to be a friend NEVER wife material b/c of the way guys before treated me for being what I call fluffy.

  18. Dom
    September 25, 2013 / 8:14 pm

    I have to say I am one of the luckier women. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me more than anything, and though he is more attracted to plus size women he isn’t one of those men that you described in the post. He prefers more meat on his women, but I think it has to deal with the fact he grew up around plus size and curvier women. He doesn’t make crude comments or belittle me. He doesn’t comment on my clothing being “unlike other plus size women,” and he damn sure doesn’t act like he is “gods gift” to me. Everyday he tells me I’m beautiful and he show it in everything he does. It’s a true shame that some men really act the way you are all describing. That’s a shame, and I wish someone would approach me that way.

  19. graveswilson
    July 4, 2014 / 3:35 pm

    i need a woman who can take very good care of me and i will make her feell like a real woman she wants to be.
    I donot need much, i am not a paracite. Please if you are interested, email me(narh.wilson@yahoo.com or narhwilsons@gmail.com) you can also contact me +233268460351.

  20. February 9, 2017 / 4:37 am

    Very helpful and Great information,
    we appreciate advise especially coming from a professional.
    Thanks again and keep up the great work!

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